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LTC Don Kaag, Armor, AUS (Retired)

Bank Robbery, "Mustang" Marine-Style

In 1973 I was a brand-new "butter-bar" platoon commander fresh out of Quantico and Basic Tank School at Del Mar, and assigned to 3D Plt., Bravo Co., 3D Tank Bn., 3D MarDiv, Camp Hansen, Okinawa.  "B" company was given the mission of doing an LST amphibious float and tank landing at Numazu Beach in Japan and then moving via Heavy Equipment Transporters (HETs) to the Mt. Fuji Training Area for maneuver training and firing.  According to the Status of Forces Agreement (SOFA) if the U.S. did not use the training area periodically, which was jointly used by both the U.S. and the JSDF, we would lose our access and the entire area would revert to Japanese control, something that, in the last days of Vietnam, the leftist government of Japan devoutly wished for.  

We had to deal with hundreds of loud-speaker-van-equipped Communist demonstrators at Numazu, and when my platoon sergeant and I had our platoon tank crews put their American flags on their whip antennas prior to landing they got even more enraged.  We loaded onto the civilian-contracted HET tank transporters and made the 90-mile turnpike trip to Fuji to start our training.  

Fuji then was a ramshackle collection of leaky ex-WWII Quonset huts, a tiny one-room P.X. and a shower house, all sitting precariously on concrete slabs in the sloping volcanic sand of Fuji-San.  When it rained we opened the doors at either end of the huts and let the rain flow through.  We slept on the bottom rack of our bunks and draped our ponchos over the top bunks in a futile attempt to keep dry.  We roped up and climbed atop the huts and tried to plug the many leaks in the roof using GAA grease spread into the holes with the wooden tent pegs from our GP Mediums.  We were only supposed to be there for 30 days, but politics intervened.  The government refused to issue the necessary road permits for us to travel the highways back down to Numazu to reload on the LST's for the trip back to Okinawa, the issue evidently being that if they made our using the Training Area difficult enough the U.S. would stop sending units and the Area would revert to sole Japanese control.  

The company had been augmented with a small mess section and a maintenance section, and had brought supplies for 6 weeks.  We were there for more than 3 months.  The first week all but one of the cooks' field stoves broke down, and they were feeding us oatmeal and coffee for breakfast, "C's" for lunch, and stew for dinner, every day.  We mostly subsisted on candy bars, plus Ramen noodles and canned Vienna sausages from the tiny P.X., heated up on the kerosene heaters in the hooches.  

Our biggest problem was no cash for the P.X. or local liberty for our Marines.  Battalion had made arrangements to fly a Pay Officer up to us for a cash pay at the end of our first 30 days.  We were supposed to be back to Camp Hansen by the following payday.  That obviously didn't happen, and the aircraft resources to send a Pay Officer up and back, especially since no one knew when we would be returning, just weren't available.  They mailed us paychecks instead, but there was no place to cash them.  No one had any money, either dollars or yen, and our peerless company commander---recently reassigned from two years of White House Aide duty back to the Fleet---was more interested in going to Tokyo every weekend for liberty (On weekends the four lieutenants were pulling "Acting C.O." and rotating Officer of the Day...) to overly concern himself with the cashless plight of the troops.  

As a "Mustang" and former sergeant I was more conversant with how the Navy and Marine Corps really worked than most second lieutenants.  I got reluctant  permission from the C.O. to try and fix the pay problem, so long as he was not involved, and I took the long 105 mile drive by jeep to Atsugi Naval Air Station, where there was a small Navy Disbursing Office run by a Master Chief.  The Chief, who was a good head, understood the problem and he and I worked out a very unorthodox way to solve it.  Every two weeks on Friday afternoon my jeep driver and I would make the drive to Atsugi NAS, arriving just after 1700 when the Disbursing Office closed. The Chief would give me about $100,000 in U.S. paper money and coins from his safe on a simple hand receipt, and I would lock it in my briefcase, head back up the road to Fuji, both my driver and I carrying totally unauthorized, loaded, Colt M-1911A1 pistols in tanker shoulder holsters.  Friday night I slept with the .45 under my pillow and the briefcase full of money and the pay roster locked into my wooden footlocker, which was under the bunk and handcuffed to the steel rail of my rack.  Saturday morning was pay call.  Saturday night and Sunday night I, as the company's self-appointed "Unauthorized Pay Officer", guarded the remaining money, the signed checks, and the pay roster.  

Monday morning at "zero dark 30" my driver, the jeep, the loaded .45's and I headed back to Atsugi so that the Chief and I could reconcile the remaining money, the checks and the roster prior to his 0800 opening time and his Monday morning requirement to ship his cash receipts from the previous week from his local safe to Yakuska Naval Base Disbursing.  Bravo Company's Marines got paid, candy bars, "Fuji noodles" and Vienna sausages were purchased, enlisted liberty was pulled, the Chief and I didn't end up in Portsmouth, and the Company Commander still got to go to Tokyo every weekend.  Problem solved.

(Stop) SNOW ON THE SLEEPING INDIAN LAST NIGHT (Stop)

By: Marine Dick Culver

This one is a tribute to the paranoid mindset of the military brass. It started when (then) Second Lieutenant Donald B. Kaag reported to the 3rd Marine Division and was subsequently assigned to the 3rd Tank Battalion, then located at Camp Hansen, Okinawa. Now Don wasn’t your everyday 2nd Lieutenant, being 27-years old, and a former enlisted Marine who had at one time been scheduled to attend the Naval Academy. 
 
The hate and discontent in Southeast Asia had given off the unmistakable whiff of burning cordite, and Don decided to quit his preparatory studies for Canoe U. and volunteer for the beckoning jungle environs of former French Indochina. Being assigned to a rather hush-hush radio relay unit, his (and his unit’s) actual service is not well documented, but his experiences subsequently left him with a rather perverted sense of humor, and a sometimes overpowering urge to gently screw with the powers-that-be. The following story may or may not have been a deliberate attempt to leave the command structure scratching their heads, but none the less, deliberate or not, the effect was the same!

Before departing for the “Rock” in mid-1972, Don had ensconced his bride in one of the most picturesque locations in the entire United States, Jackson Hole, Wyoming. To get the gist of the story, a bit of local terrain appreciation is necessary for the reader not familiar with the area. It is located in a high mountain valley, with the Grand Teton Mountains on the Western Side, and nestled in by the Sapphire Mountains on the Eastern Side. Many movies have been set in the Teton Mountain area including such classics as Shane. It is truly spectacular country if nothing else – however it does have one characteristic that keeps the area from being overrun by fleeing Californians, it snows – a lot! As beautiful an area as it is, the snow sorta’ acts as flea-repellent to those who would change it into a socialist paradise. Thank the ‘Weather Gods’ for small favors.

Like all locals, the old timers of Jackson Hole have various tales that predict the fearsomeness of a coming winter. Little things, like extremely long fur on the caterpillars (somewhat reminiscent of “Oracle Jones” in the movie “The Hallelujah Trail”), or the squirrels storing more nuts than usual, are said to be sure-fire indicators to lay in a goodly supply of firewood. One legend the Jackson Hole residents HAVE agreed upon over the years however, is a bit more understandable. It seems that one mountain rock formation on the Sapphire Mountain side of the valley, has the appearance of an Indian laying on his back in a supine position. It may take a bit of imagination to see it clearly, but this one has a universal consensus of being a resting (if not sleeping) Native-American (heh, heh, heh). Local lore has it that early snow on “The Sleeping Indian” is indicative of an early winter – it would certainly make sense to me, sorta’ like opining that the river is rising when your feet are getting wet. Considering various local legends, early snow on the Sleeping Indian falls into the same niche as the Groundhog seeing (or not seeing) his shadow on the 2nd of February in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. Now that we have set the stage, on to the story that inadvertently set the 3rd Tank Battalion’s brass glancing and whispering.

Don’s wife was sitting by herself in Wyoming and pondering the length of her husband’s deployment. Since this was their first lengthy separation since tying the nuptial knot, she was a faithful correspondent, and included many of the local goin’s-on and small talk, because it made her feel closer to her other half. Lo and behold, one morning she saw the infamous harbinger of an early winter; the snoozing Redskin had a snow comforter! Since sending this tidbit by normal mail would have made the hot (cold?) news old-hat by the time he received it in the normal course of things, and being new to the Corps and extended separations, she used the universally accepted method of semi-instant communications, the Western Union Telegram!

What she DIDN’T realize was that when telegrams are sent to deployed service members with an APO or FPO address, they enter the military communications channels, and are delivered much like any military message. Normally, telegraphic communications to deployed service members were reserved for emergencies including such things as births, deaths, or serious illness in the immediate family, and sent by some sort of official agency such as The American Red Cross. Hot ticket local weather predictions were not the norm for military message traffic! It’s not illegal, but tying up the message center with trivia is not generally considered to be good ju-ju. It’s hard to fault a naive young wife however, and the received message was cryptic enough to avoid an immediate fanny chewing by the local Commanding Officer. 

Don got a summons from his company commander, with instructions to immediately report to the 3rd Tank Battalion Commanding Officer. Upppssss… A second lieutenant being sent to report to a Battalion Commander? Such a summons for a young Lieutenant is not considered to a good thing, and he was a bit apprehensive when he checked with the Adjutant. The Adjutant informed Don that the Colonel was awaiting his presence! Uh oh, now what? Upon locking his heels in front of the Battalion CO, Don was handed a military message by the Colonel who had a quizzical look on his face. The message read:

SNOW ON THE SLEEPING INDIAN LAST NIGHT

Now Don knew exactly what the message meant of course, but the Colonel certainly didn’t. The cryptic message no doubt conjured up visions of the message traffic sent to and by the Partisans in the French Underground prior to the Normandy invasion – such things as “Pierre has a long moustache” and other enigmatic communications. These messages of course had meaning to the partisans, but would be total gibberish to the German intelligence folks. Since the major part of Don’s message was filled with the obligatory military acronyms and message routing, the originator of the message was not immediately obvious, and it looked official

Absolutely brimming over with curiosity, the Colonel asked Don if there was anything he wanted to tell him? Don having an absolutely evil sense of humor as noted above, and being quick in his mental machinations, came up with the perfect answer. “No sir, but this is very good news!!” With that a relatively long-of-tooth 2nd Lieutenant took the appropriate two paces to the rear, did a smart about face and headed back to the company area.

As in any military organization, it didn’t take long for the word to spread that Lieutenant Kaag was some sort of “spook” as opposed to a standard, M1A1 2nd Lieutenant. What else would fit the profile? Being somewhat smarter than the average Bear, Don kept his mouth shut, and conveyed the message that most of ‘em wanted to believe with a occasional knowing smile, and exuding an aura of “clandestineness”. Since everyone wants to know a “spook”, his contemporaries simply filled in the blanks for themselves. Don’s status as just another brown-bar was over, and all hands, including the CO, treated him with a bit of deference as would befit a member of a “three lettered” intelligence community!

Some months later, I became Don’s Company Commander when he was assigned to III MAF, and have kept in contact with him over the years. He later retired as a Lieutenant Colonel in the Army Reserve establishment, having served with the Army tankers for several tours including one in Germany.

Don continued his education and is now a high school history teacher in Moscow, Idaho a stone’s throw from Coeur d’Alene, and the home of the University of Idaho. I would rather imagine that his history classes have a unique flavor, nudging ever so slightly towards a strict interpretation of the Constitution.

 

Semper Fi

PFC D. B. (Don) Kaag  at NAPS in 1964.

2ndLt D. B. (Don) Kaag at Officer Basic School in MCB Quantico, VA







Don Kaag's The Cruise listing

Read more from Don in the Journal

© 2009, Glenn B. Knight
http://4merMarine.com/NAPS/Kaag.html